i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
