Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
