I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
