I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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