Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Found the puke drawer
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
