i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
