yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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