Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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