just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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