I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
