Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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