I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
