You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
