Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You pole danced in your parka.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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