Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
