He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
