we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
