It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
