woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
