yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
