I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
