how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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