If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
