You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We're too hungover to prance.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
