she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
