I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
