why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
