i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
