sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
