I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you win again, gameday.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
