Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
