This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
