If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
