After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
