They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
