I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
