hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
