so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Plan B is the new Plan A
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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