you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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