need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
