I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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