it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want to make out with him forever
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
