I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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