I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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