her vagine was all disorganized.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
