Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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