fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
