I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
