i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
