I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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