Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
